Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize