It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
