Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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