She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.