"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
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Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
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she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.