i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.