After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
