my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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