I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
