I think I died a long time ago.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
