I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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