Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
