a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
