there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
