Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
