I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
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It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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