I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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