Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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