Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
