Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
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I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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