i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
