I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
