Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
