put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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