I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
