whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
