Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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