I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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