I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
