She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
