I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
