why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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