dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
