You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
