Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
