But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
