In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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