He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize