we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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