My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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