Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize