Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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