Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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