I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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