I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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