So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
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Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
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Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize