the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
