I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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