my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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