You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
