I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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