Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
