Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
