Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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