Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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