It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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