Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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