dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
