Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
