weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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