$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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