I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
