I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
