You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
