come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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