it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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