btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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